You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
