What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
