No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
