He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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