So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
