then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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