Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm too high and old for this...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
