so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
