i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
