she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Boobs are out for the taking
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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