I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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