i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
