he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
