Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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