I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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