I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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