Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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