dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
