I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
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my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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