Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Who died my cat blue again?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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