haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize