u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
