so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My cat gives me a boner
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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