Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
