you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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