sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
