are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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