I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
