i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize