Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
