There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
