this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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