Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i drank out of a bidet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
