she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
