she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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