so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I pour the whiskey from now on
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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