I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize