You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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