State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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