there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
