Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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