I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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