Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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