you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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