The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
