If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
