just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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