So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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