youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
