No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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