I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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