so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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