the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
