Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
