it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
