Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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