i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
