I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
