She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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