Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
