I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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