Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
