There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
