I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
