Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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