i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
