I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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