I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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