I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
