Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
