cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
