Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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