I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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