No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
