It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
