The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
