epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
