Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
