Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
